Burnt Leg Syndrome
Following one of those “freak” accidents this morning, where I upended the entire pot of boiling water (coffee) on my bare thigh, we got to talking, my lovely wife and I.
Yeah, I’m okay, thanks - lavender oil and a small pack of burn gel later…
But it ended up in paroxysms of laughter as we climbed back into bed to complete the Sunday morning ritual - no, not that - the beverages….the coffee and tea.
I mean, let’s face it - accidents are always “freak” events. It’s not like they’re planned after all - not unless you’re into insurance scamming as a hobby, that is.
Imagine if they WERE planned… that’s what got us laughing. That bizarre scenario.
“Hey, darling - I’m in the kitchen, I’m ready. I mean, I’ve got the boiling water ready. Just to make the mess more interesting for the mop up - I’ve added coffee grounds….”
“Okay, honey. Let me know when you’re ready to go and I’ll pretend to be in the loo….”
“Right you are then…”
Wife slips into the bathroom closing the door behind her. Proceeds to make toilet noises in the interests of authenticity.
“Okay, one, two, three - GO!” says the husband, upending the rapidly boiling water onto his naked thigh, taking care not to get any on the exposed dangly bits - that’s not in the accident plan.
“YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHOWWWOYEEEEEAHHHH! FUCK! That’s much hotter than I thought…”
Thinks: it’s scalding hot water, you fucking idiot. What did you expect?
Hobbles to the bathroom door.
“Honey, are you on the toilet?”
“No, you can come in…”
Opens the door - left thigh is glowing like a red traffic warning beacon …
“Oh my God! What have you done?”
And so on….
Nobody plans these things but it would be fucking funny if they did.
At least my wife and I think so.
But then again, we’re pretty twisted.
I mean, we don’t even get vaccinated and shit like that. Wooooo…
I’m pretty sure I could fry the breakfast on my thigh though and who would’ve thought coffee grounds could migrate into every drawer and receptacle within a twenty mile radius.
Happy Sunday, folks.
PS - my lovely wife did say the coffee was worth it. Fucking better have been….